Single and lesbian: Is it really that hard to find love?


In the last quarter of 2008, two friends of mine lamented on the shortage of femmes to date and asked me if I have anyone I can set them up with.

Unfortunately for them, most of my femme friends are taken and are in happy relationships. One of them heartbreak kids would constantly tease me about being a poor pimp. I hope it’s not just that I am a poor pimp but that I really am having a hard time looking for femmes who are worth dating.

Which got me thinking — is there a shortage on femmes? More importantly, is it really that lonely to be single and lesbian?

I know how hard it is to find love in general. But are lesbians in a poorer state and more “lugi” because they’re discriminated on, closeted, or fewer in number? And what about butch lesbians — are their choices being limited by the fact that more and more femme lesbians are getting into femme-to-femme relationships? Makes me wonder.

Interestingly, I met a very pretty 22-year-old lesbian last night. She had mentioned that she was single again and that her ex-girlfriend/s would cheat on her. I mean, really! Why do people do that? It’s hard enough to find love anywhere for anyone. But to cheat pa?Β It’s sad. How people take for granted what they have. How people take for granted how lucky they are. Anyhoo…

It’s funny how I once thought I didn’t want to date because it’s hard going through the motions of getting to know someone, finding out what you have in common with them, if you click, if there’s attraction, if there’s even a hint of possibility with that someone — anyone. But then I realized that it is fun to date. It is fun getting to know someone. And that dating does help you find out what you like or don’t like in a partner, what you can or cannot put up with in a relationship, or how far you’ll go (to sacrifice or not) to make a (potential) relationship take flight.

But yeah, it seems so easy to say to my single and fab lesbian friends to “Go have fun! Enjoy your single life!” or “Go ahead! Date! It’s fun meeting new people!” but really, it can get tiring. And yes, we are human. We feel lonely, too, even though we’re independent. And that while we do need alone time every now and then, we do need companionship and intimacy beyond what friends can offer.

So what do you do if you’re single, lesbian — and lonely?

Do you go out and date whoever’s there, whoever’s available, for who knows how long? Do you party every chance you get? Do you get drunk every night? Do you grab at every opportunity to be with someone — be it a one-night stand or a coupla days fling? Do you turn to straight or bi-curious girls who may possibly just be in it for the heck of it but won’t be there for the long haul? Do you give up, turn into a hermit, and wallow in your (albeit perceived) lonely solitary misery? Or do you simply settle for a relationship with whoever’s interested, whoever’s there, throwing away all your standards or lowering them just so you can say you’re no longer alone.

I hope not. I really hope not. Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to feel this oh-so-damned wonderful, crazy thing called love that makes your heart (and stomach) go flip-flop, makes your pulse race, makes your head spin, makes your life all sunshiny, glorious, and blissful.

Despite what you’re going through, whether you’re single and lonely or single and happy, in a relationship or what not, I wish you love today. πŸ™‚


5 Responses to “Single and lesbian: Is it really that hard to find love?”

  1. 1 babs

    i enjoyed this post… as well as the others i’ve read so far. =)

    i’ve been single since 2006… lonely and bored are hardly ever in my vocabulary…

    it’s always good to wish people love.. because it comes in a myriad sources.

    happy thoughts always! The Universe is COOL!

  2. 2 B

    haha. Love is overrated, I’ll fix my hair instead πŸ˜›

  3. More hugs to you, Babs! πŸ™‚ There’s too much hate in the world, too much sadness. Enough na.

    No reason to be lonely OR bored anyway. There’s a gazillion bazillion people in the world to connect — and reconnect — with. πŸ˜‰

  4. B, you’ll start losing all your hair pa getting all worked out about love, ‘no? Hahaha! πŸ™‚

    Love can be overrated. So better to have nice hair to fuss on everyday than have a bad hair day with a dormant lovelife. πŸ˜›

  5. And Babs dear, thanks! πŸ™‚ Glad to know you like my posts. Miss you!

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