So what DO lesbians look like?

05Feb09

I was chatting with a classmate from grade school sometime last week. She said that I post a lot of “lesbian stuff” on Facebook and if I were lesbian. I said yes. She said, “Oh. Well, you don’t look like a lesbian.”

To which I replied, “Really? Why? What are lesbians supposed to look like?”

“Well, you look more like bi to me. Dito sa States, iba ang istura ng lesbian,” she explains.

Uhm. Ok. I wonder what lesbians there look like. Is it because I have long hair? I wear makeup? I have a very soft voice? I’m very girly and I like wearing heels and dresses? Talk about stereotyping.

Anyway.

I was torn between getting annoyed at the presumption or getting annoyed at the *erm* stupidity. How little some people know about gay people.

I remember my mom saying something similar during one of my coming out moments. She and my dad just found out that I was having another relationship with a girl. She was getting very frustrated and didn’t know how to stop it. Finally she asked in surrender, “Do you really think you’re like that (gay)? Look at you! You don’t look like it!”

I could only sigh. I’ve had two girlfriends then and I was already in my 20’s. They’ve found out about those girlfriends so many times. Yet she was still thinking about me not looking like a lesbian.

I remember how people I come out to often say, “Really? You’re gay? But you’re so girly!” In fact, people assume I have a boyfriend or at least have had one. When I tell them I don’t or I haven’t (have never — yes, I’m a gold star), they’re shocked. And they’re even more shocked when I reiterate, “No, I’ve never had a boyfriend. But girlfriend, yes.”

On the other hand, one of my friends said that it’s pretty cool that I don’t look like a lesbian. She even asked if it’s kind of fun that I get to fool people. I guess to some extent it’s fun seeing people react after I tell them I have a girlfriend. But I especially like it when people think it’s cool that I’m lesbian. Makes me feel special in an odd sort of way. Haha.

I went out with my partner a few weeks ago. We don’t go to exclusive parties as often as we used to but we try to check out a party or two at least every two months. It amazes us how younger the crowd gets, how shorter the skirts are, and how androgynous these baby dykes are. Times are, indeed, a-changing.

It’s fascinating to observe these baby dykes partying. Some look very feminine, some are very butch. Some are very androgynous. Some femme-looking girls are into other femmes, while andro girls seem to be the hot commodity. I wonder if there really are butch-butch relationships at their age. Hmm. So far, I’ve only heard of one butch lezzie who voiced out her preference for other butches at an exclusive party/girl auction. I’m not sure if there were any takers. 🙂

Anyway, we’re not old, mind you. I guess these girls are just coming out at younger ages or perhaps some of them are just experimenting even. Nothing wrong with that, really. Better to try everything once than not having experienced anything at all.

Anyway, Filipina lesbians have come a long way, really. From being hidden in the shadows, partying only after 12 midnight, to being out in the open, parading in their mini skirts and tank tops at the malls. If my grade school classmate from the US saw these girls, would she still think I don’t look lesbian enough?

I think more than anything, the lesbians I know, my friends, just look hot. 😀

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